Three More Things That Scare Me

(New Post! This one is for Rae from "Listen to the Raen Fall..." She wouldn't stop bugging me till I posted something. Check out her blog. She's usually posting something awesome, and she has to be decent if I don't hate her, right? Right.)

As I’ve said before, a lot of things give me the willies. Scare me. Creep the everliving frak out of me. You know so far that spiders, homeless people, things under my bed, and the metro scares me. But that’s not all. There are a lot of other things that freak me out. Here’s a few more.

This one is less of a ‘Scary! Get it away!’ then a ‘WHAT THE HELL HAS JUST HAPPENED?!?!’ Let me explain. We got a cat recently. A twelve, thirteen week old brown tabby who may or may not be a Bengal that we named Dodger.

Dodger is a good kitty, except when she decides to attack me in the morning when all I want to do is play WoW. Or when she gets the brilliant idea that she will eat my hair.

It’s not Dodger that I’m talking about though. It’s her litterbox, and, namely: The air freshener on top of it. It’s one of those motion sensor ones. You walk by, it’s gives a ‘Ffft!’ of air and voila. Instead of smelling like crap, it smells like sea breeze.

Except I don’t like being caught off-guard by sea breeze.

Yeah. Imagine that happening every half hour.

Next thing that tends to get me panicky would be song lyrics.

WARNING: This may or may not be the stupidest, most irrational fear in the world. Yes, I am seeing a therapist. No need to ask. Now that you have been properly warned, let’s move on.

Singing songs that have, “And then I die…” or “Die for you….” Or anything where it’s first person singing about how they’d die, because then when I sing along, I’m singing those lines. Then I think some sick deity thinks I’m serious and will kill me. So I alter it quietly under my breath. Die becomes fly. Or rye. Or my.

A serious offender? American Pie. Instead of, “This’ll be the day that I die…” I sing under my breath, “This’ll be the die that I fly…” Because I’m irrational like that, and am paranoid. I don’t want this to happen:

Lastly, elevators.

They’re demon cages. You know how I said technology hates me? Well somebody had the brilliant idea to tell me if the cord snaps, the elevator will plummet and I’ll smash against the roof and break my neck. Painfully.

Despite being told this is impossible, it translates to EVERY bump on the elevator sends a rocket of fear through me. To the point where I will carry my mountain bike up three flights of stairs to get to my apartment…Three whole flights! That’s a lot of stairs, okay?

And if that elevator makes sound, it scares me as well. I freak out. Enter “OMG WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIEEE” mode.

Or, I think about getting trapped. So I starve to death, or suffocate, or die of dehydration, because I was trapped between floors and the elevator people decided to screw me over and the firemen were lazy. Or something like that. Maybe I forgot to push the panic button.

Alright. That's it for now.

-Azu, over and out.

Things That Scare Me

Look! A long post! Enjoy!

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I’m an irrational person. A lot of things tend to scare me. I like to pretend I am tough, and brave, and awesome giving mortal form, but really I’m just a paranoid person with a dark sense of humor and the mentality of a five year old. And so I figured I’d give you a sample of some of the things that scare me.

First of all, I have issues with the dark. Not like dark-dark, but what lurks in the dark. I don’t mind the dark that much. I prefer it, honestly. I’d like a nice dark room to blinding sunlight any day. No, it’s the monsters in the dark, probably under my bed that freak me out.

How is that not scary?

If that doesn’t scare you, picture this. You’ve been sleeping. You’re pretty secure in your world. It’s quiet, dark, and peaceful. Suddenly, you’re jolted out of sleep with an unquenchable thirst. You need water, and you need it frakking now. So you get up to get water, not paying attention, and drink it.

You feel something going on with your feet. Namely, you can’t feel them. Suddenly, you’re dragged under the bed and the monster chews your soul up and leaves you a soulless husk to rot under your bed for eternity.

Great job.

That’s why I run from my door to my bed. No monsters are getting me, okay?

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The second thing that scares me is spiders. You walk into your room and see this.

What do you do? I’d scream, run in the opposite direction and starting light crap on fire. Fire. They all deserve to burn. Burn in righteous, beautiful, cleaning fire.

The third thing that scares me is the metro. If you read my metro post, you’ll know that I had…a few issues. Namely, it tried to trap me in its unholy depths forever and ever. Luckily, I had a friend to save me from that fate, and money when it tried to trap me again.

However, my real paranoia is the exit machine. In normal circumstances, it is simply something to ensure they get paid. A machine where you stick in your fare card and the orange triangles part ways so you may walk through.

However, ever since I was young, I imagined it would close on me and squish me. So I decided the only way to protect myself was to run through the triangles as fast as I could. So I would shakily put in my card, take it out and run through like all hell has broken loose. Furthermore, I always wait till it is closed, to ensure it doesn’t close early on me.

This fear is also associated with the metro doors.

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A fourth thing that scares me is homeless people. Again, an irrational fear, but all of these are. They sit there screaming things and while most of them are bound to be harmless, I live in a big city. That silly, crazy old man down the street? He’s also on FBI’s most wanted. For murder. Yeah.

So yeah. Four things that tend to freak me out. You can safely assume I’m nuts. But…I prefer to think of myself as a survivor. By being cautious, I will live. When mutant spiders rise up, I will burn them all. When the monsters under your bed turn you into a mindless husk, I’ll be safe in my bed with a flamethrower. When you’re being chewed up by metro, I’ll be walking or driving or taking a bus. With a flamethrower. And when you’re being stabbed to death by that guy on the corner who you gave change to (All money has tracker chips. That’s how they find you.) I will be there.

With a flamethrower.